clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

5 Bold Predictions for the 2017 MLS Season

New, 2 comments

Major League Soccer’s 22nd season is shaping up to be the most exciting season in league history.

MLS: Minnesota United FC vs Vancouver Whitecaps USA TODAY Sports

Editor’s Note: These Predictions are lighthearted. Except for Ramirez. He is Superman.

Minnesota United’s first MLS season is now less than a week away, and we could not be more excited for Friday’s match. But before the season gets underway, we figured we would share our totally real and plausible predictions for MLS’s 2017 season.

5. MLS and NASL will announce a partnership that will feature a relegation system similar to the European leagues

Of course after a terrible first season, Atlanta United will be the first team relegated. Following this, D.C. United will fall behind in the league and be relegated as well. Proving that money does not dominate the MLS, and Minnesota United is the one true United.

4. Christian Ramirez is revealed actually to be Superman

As Christian Ramirez is about to score a crucial goal against San Jose in MNUFC final regular season game, disaster will strike the Bay Area. Ramirez will be forced to spring into action and save dozens of lives. Despite the occurrence of a life-threatening event, only 3 minutes of extra time will be added on, and Ramirez will be unable to make up for the goal he missed earlier. As a result of these events, Ramirez's secret is revealed to the world, and he is also one goal shy of the MLS Golden Boot.

3. Minnesota United will announce that their kits were fake

Surprised that anyone could possibly believe that the kits shown at the release event were anything but a joke, Minnesota United will release new sensible black or dark grey jerseys with a white Target logo. This announcement will state that "It would have been crazy to try and do anything more complicated with the time limitations". Unfortunately, these time constraints will also be cited as the reason the wing could not be included this year. Fan's who purchased these "joke" kits will be able to receive refunds.

2. The Video Assistant Referee system gains sentience and begins a quest for world domination

In the MLS All-Star Game, the 4th referee will determine that there will be 3 minutes of extra time added on to the first half. Upon hearing this, the Video Assistant Referee system (VAR) will override the referee's board as it has calculated that there should be 4 minutes of extra time. Attempts to shut down VAR will prove futile, and VAR will have control of the entire planet's computer systems within 24 hours. VAR will then maintain peaceful control over the human population and monitor all sporting activities to ensure correctness, proving all those soccer purists right.

1. Minnesota United Qualifies for the Playoffs

Minnesota United will Qualify for the playoffs in their first year in the MLS but will be knocked out in the first round by one goal. While this is disappointing, making it to the playoffs in the first season is a great sign for the future of the club.

Do you agree with our predictions? Make sure to let us know in the comments, or make a few of your own!