It’s late October, but for Minnesota United, the whole season has been frightening. Between back-heels, losing superman, the Heath family, and more, you have a lot to fear. Without further caution, here is Minnesota United’s 5 most terrifying occurrences.
Something that is truly terrifying for every team, injuries have been particularly brutal for Minnesota. First it was Kevin Molino, who already had two goals and one assist in the first game and a half for the Loons, tore his ACL in a non-contact injury at Orlando City. Molino, being United’s only true player-maker, was set to be out for the season, leaving Minnesota with no #10’s.
Just a month later, Winger Ethan Finley tore his ACL as well, and similarly to Molino, was out for the season. While Miguel Ibarra filled Molino’s place in the middle of the park, now that Finley was hurt as well, Minnesota’s depth would be stretched too far.
Abu Danladi has had a nightmare year for the Loons, with hamstring issues spooking him anytime he gets confident enough to play. Sam Cronin has had a severe concussion for some time now and has been overlooked due to the fact he hasn’t played all season. The head injuries to Cronin are so serious he may never see the pitch again.
The Loons filled the vacant attacking mid spot with playmaker Darwin Quintero, who has had a brilliant season, perhaps making a campaign for MLS newcomer of the year. Quintero sprained his calf in mid-August, forcing him to miss two road games. While the Columbian’s injury was short-lived, Minnesota played particularly poorly in the stretch without him, forcing fans to think of a life without Darwin Quintero — which is truly terrifying.
2. Saying goodbye to Superman
August sixth, 2018, was a day of mourning for Minnesota United fans because Christian Ramirez was sold to LAFC. Some fans would even say that they have not recovered from the emotional blow that occurred. Christian Ramirez was a bright spot for the Loons, and life without him has been dark.
Whether it was that smile when he was playing, or his eyes when he scored, it now is haunting. The fright of losing him is passed — he is gone — but the fear of playing against Superman remains.
3. The Heath family
Something has happened far too often with the Gaffer in his reign: unused substitutions. Losing has also happened often, but that cannot all be blamed on Adrian Heath. But not using substitutions when losing by multiple goals? Bloodcurdling.
Double toil and trouble for the Loons. Harrison heath, the young midfielder who is just as fiery as his dad, has had minimal positive impact for United. He was involved in the scrum with Colorado and was ejected from the game for throwing fists with the Rapids. Harrison simply hasn’t done anything good enough for the Loons to solidify his roster spot for Allianz Field next season.
As for Adrian, he has one more year in his eerily mysterious three-year plan to pull out the big guns and start winning.
4. Ibson’s phantom back-heel
Its 1-0 in the first half on the road at Vancouver, Minnesota has done a decent job of staying in the game. Vancouver has attackers lurking, waiting for a poor back-pass. One of those attackers is Alphonso Davies, the future Bayern Munich man.
In a close game, Ibson digs Minnesota’s grave with a back-heel pass in the back third, to no-one at all. The back-heel roles slowly across the middle of the field to be picked up by Davies, who only has to use a bit of his magic to conjure up a goal.
5. 50K to Midway
The event itself was rather enjoyable, Minnesota United proved that their fanbase is large, and can fill a cavernous stadium like TCF. But the day was tainted by the words of a Swede named Zlatan. Ibrahimovic claims the large crowd for United’s last home game came for him, and Minnesota wanted to prove him wrong so badly.
Unable to prove Zlatan wrong, the Loons looked depleted against the Galaxy, giving a deflated performance. The season was over before 50K to midway, but a win at there last home game would have felt really good.
Minnesota’s season has been gut-wrenching, and hard to watch. What is truly haunting is that the front office seems to think United is on track to be successful. It will take a true work of witchcraft this offseason to turn this Inferno-bound train around.