The news, and simultaneously Twitter, broke Friday morning. The United Soccer League (USL)’s team in Austin, Texas, will be named Austin Bold FC.
The jokes about the name sounding more appropriate for a font hit almost immediately and haven’s slowed down yet. Now I’m here to come up with some other bad names for clubs.
Let’s meet the Font First Division:
Sporting San Francisco Serif FC
It’s crucial that the name roll off the tongue, and this combination of S’s and F’s really does. And think of the nicknames: SSFSFC, SSF Serif FC, San Serif FC, Sporting San Fran Serif—really gets the saliva flowing, doesn’t it?
Miami Italics United
If I were a poetry buff, I’d know the name of the rhythm of long I’s created by the name. Coincidentally, that’s what this team is nicknamed: The I’s.
Windy City Wingdings
All they do is win, win, win—no matter what.
Calif Sans SC
Back out to the West Coast we go. Meet the team that’s lovable in the way everyone loves to hate.
Some people think it should be spelled like “aerials.” They didn’t get the point of this league.
The Georgia Garamond
Don’t forget the “the” here, folks. What’s a Garamond? Good question, but it just feels like a proper noun to me. Come On You Garamond!
Boston Bold FC
Austin may have picked Bold as their suffix first, but Boston’s doing it better—because alliterations.
Courier New England
Hearkening back to the days of the Pony Express, it’s the franchise better known as the Pride of Rhode Island.
Times New York
If only there were a suitable sponsor...
Nevada Narrow SC
This side is the essence of modern. With a stadium that is really just a large oval beer garden, things can get rather cramped.
Minnesota Monospace SC
I’m really rolling with the alliterations here.
New Orleans Gothic
It’s the only professional soccer team below sea level. Probably.
Washington Unicode United
They play in the capital of the United States. ‘Nuff said.
Texas Text SC
And you thought Texas Toast was a mouthful...
Which team are you supporting? Got other ideas? Discuss in the comments section below.